Feminist In Drag

My boyfriend finally read my blogs. Some of the things he said about them were: "Wow, you have a real way with words" (duh!) followed by the disclaimer "at least when you write, you are all over the road when you speak (which is also true)". Next was, "Girly-Man? You make me sound like one of those guys who lets their femin-nazi girlfriend drag them around by the balls." and last but definitely sweetest "I want to enter you in a 'blog-of-the-week' contest." With all of that in mind there are a few things in this post that I would like to discuss. 1. My boyfriend is not a wimp. 2. I am not a femin-nazi.

My boyfriend is not a wimp, if he was we would not be together. In any relationship, friendship or otherwise, I want the person I am spending time with to be as strong, if not stronger than I am. Call me a snob if you will, but I try and surround myself with people who are striving, and in turn will remind me to strive, for perfection.

So what is he then? My boyfriend is a self-proclaimed male Vagina Warrior (except not the annoying kind who tells women that to get them in bed). I will never forget the time he helped me come up with a suitable name for my vagina when I asked him to, instead of looking at me like I was a freak in heels. He is intelligent, caring, sensitive and funny as hell. I met him on the fire escape while going through a really rough stretch and he stole my heart by taking me to a huge pink elephant on the side of the road and making me a flower necklace. He's a volunteer, an outreacher, a coffeeshop philosopher and most importantly, he is my friend.

Boys, to me, should be a certain way. They should be sensitive to the needs of others, they should be caring about the world around them, they should have a sense of humor (that is invariably a little bit raunchier than most girls), they should have a strong sense of self, a strong sense of reality, be willing to argue with me and be able to give up and admit when I am right, but most importantly they should have the ability to wrap their arms around me and make me feel safe. You might be thinking that this is a lot to ask of a poor boy, but rest assured, I expect the same out of everyone, including myself. This of course is the perfect segue into my next topic.

I am not a femin-nazi. Many of you might not know what a femin-nazi is so I will elaborate. Femin-Nazis are man hating, bra burning, fury driven, overzealous reformers. To me these women are amazing, having turned their fury into a good cause instead of dwelling on it and reverting to doormat status. But in my reality, feminism does not have angry undertones.

Sure, I have been suppressed by men, of course men have ripped my heart out and done La Cucaracha on it (I can still hear the cracking of my hard shell if I listen close enough), it's inevitable that men will continually treat me as an object, whether it be the sex or property type. But the thing is, I have, in the past, treated men with the same disrespect and therefore I feel no compulsion to hate men, all I want from them is equal treatment.

I once saw a bumper sticker that said "Feminism is the silly notion that women are people too." This is the epitome of my feelings towards feminism. Being a feminist, in my mind, is just a belief that I should be treated as an equal in a world full of inequality. This does not mean that I am going to try and act more masculine in order to get by, however, in this male-centric world. Someone up there (God, or whoever) chose for me to be a woman, and I continuously try to flourish in that capacity.

I believe that I have been given the opportunity to be beautiful inside and out, I have been chosen to bear children (HA! I wanna see you men out there try and accomplish that!!!), I have rhythm (sometimes), I can sing in high octaves without trying to hit falsetto and can speak sweetly to any I deem fit without fear of disapproval, I have the nurturing gene that lets me tend to sick, weary and scared people, I have a soft bosom that will comfort the many children in my life, and I can do all of those things in either pants, shorts, a skirt, or even a dress!

My boyfriend once asked me what kind of feminist wears makeup. My reply to him was, "Being a feminist does not make it necessary to fit into a stereotype. Being a feminist means that I am proud of being a woman. Being a feminist means standing up for your sisters, especially when they are not standing up for themselves. Being a feminist means that if I want to wear makeup, I can. But if I don't want to, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!"

New Year's Revolution - Option 1

It's that time of year again, the beginning. It's the time when we all dig deep into ourselves and think of the most irritating habit that we have, and then tell everyone around us that we are going to quit doing it, knowing that we have the full intention of breaking our "resolution" probably before the end of this first month.
So tonight, since I am feeling like a true jackanapes (see blog description for non-Webster definition) I am going to start a New Year's Revolution. This means that I will tell you what you will do this year. That way if you break it, you have told no one, and therefore you won't feel like a loser and stop trying. Instead you will realize that failure is just one step in enlightenment, pick up where you left off and try again.
Don Miguel Ruiz (I think that's his name) wrote a book called The Four Agreements and that's where I got my idea. It's based on Toltec wisdom and I believe much more viable than anything religious because it allows for fault. If you veer off the path of enlightment based on wisdom you just dust yourself off and try again, if you veer off the path of religiousness... well... see ya in hell buddy. No but seriously, with religion you must always answer to a higher power. I think this makes change a little more intimidating, and therefore harder to accomplish. When searching for wisdom the only person that you have to answer to is yourself and although we are our own worst critics, we have the ability to push ourselves for more.

The Four Agreements:
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word:
How many times have you said something and in the next instant wished you could take it back? I try to think about how many times a day I speak without fully thinking about what I am going to say and it terrifies me. If you speak only what you mean you will less often hurt people's feelings, and put yourself in less ackward positions. It is easier to not upset someone than it is to try and take back hurt feelings.
2. Don't Take Things Personally:
I know this is a hard one for a lot of people, especially me. Here's the deal, when people say things to you, regardless of the presentation, it really has nothing to do with you. It has to do with how they see the world, how they live their life, and how they view their own reality. This does not mean, however, that you should just ignore what people say to you. As Thich Nhat Hahn explains, you can learn something about yourself from every intereaction you have, whether the person was nice, or mean about it. What it means is, when you start to feel a negative reaction to something someone has said, acknowledge that feeling by acknowledging that their comment was based on their own reality and had nothing to do with you. Once you start doing this you will notice that your feelings are hurt less and less because you understand that nothing a person says to you changes who you are, and that their own views are different than your own.
3. Don't Make Assumptions:
Easier said than done!!! In order to do this you must communicate you needs, your thoughts and your concerns at every step. It takes practice I am sure, but if you are open about your needs you will have less misunderstanding and less drama.
4. Always Do Your Best:
Come on guys!!! Life is awesome, and who knows if we have anymore goes at it, so lets get off our asses and make this one worth living!!!!

Forever - Ben Harper

Here is my newest musical find.... I love it, and therefore, you will too!!! No really though, if you are looking for a really beautiful song and can't think of one... this is it!!!

Not talkin' 'bout a year
no not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
in my life anymore

forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends

so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do from you

People spend so much time
every single day
runnin' 'round all over town
givin' their forever away

but no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find my
forever a home

so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do from you

Like a handless clock with numbers
an infinite of time
no not the forever found only in the mind

forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end

so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do from you