Feminist In Drag

My boyfriend finally read my blogs. Some of the things he said about them were: "Wow, you have a real way with words" (duh!) followed by the disclaimer "at least when you write, you are all over the road when you speak (which is also true)". Next was, "Girly-Man? You make me sound like one of those guys who lets their femin-nazi girlfriend drag them around by the balls." and last but definitely sweetest "I want to enter you in a 'blog-of-the-week' contest." With all of that in mind there are a few things in this post that I would like to discuss. 1. My boyfriend is not a wimp. 2. I am not a femin-nazi.

My boyfriend is not a wimp, if he was we would not be together. In any relationship, friendship or otherwise, I want the person I am spending time with to be as strong, if not stronger than I am. Call me a snob if you will, but I try and surround myself with people who are striving, and in turn will remind me to strive, for perfection.

So what is he then? My boyfriend is a self-proclaimed male Vagina Warrior (except not the annoying kind who tells women that to get them in bed). I will never forget the time he helped me come up with a suitable name for my vagina when I asked him to, instead of looking at me like I was a freak in heels. He is intelligent, caring, sensitive and funny as hell. I met him on the fire escape while going through a really rough stretch and he stole my heart by taking me to a huge pink elephant on the side of the road and making me a flower necklace. He's a volunteer, an outreacher, a coffeeshop philosopher and most importantly, he is my friend.

Boys, to me, should be a certain way. They should be sensitive to the needs of others, they should be caring about the world around them, they should have a sense of humor (that is invariably a little bit raunchier than most girls), they should have a strong sense of self, a strong sense of reality, be willing to argue with me and be able to give up and admit when I am right, but most importantly they should have the ability to wrap their arms around me and make me feel safe. You might be thinking that this is a lot to ask of a poor boy, but rest assured, I expect the same out of everyone, including myself. This of course is the perfect segue into my next topic.

I am not a femin-nazi. Many of you might not know what a femin-nazi is so I will elaborate. Femin-Nazis are man hating, bra burning, fury driven, overzealous reformers. To me these women are amazing, having turned their fury into a good cause instead of dwelling on it and reverting to doormat status. But in my reality, feminism does not have angry undertones.

Sure, I have been suppressed by men, of course men have ripped my heart out and done La Cucaracha on it (I can still hear the cracking of my hard shell if I listen close enough), it's inevitable that men will continually treat me as an object, whether it be the sex or property type. But the thing is, I have, in the past, treated men with the same disrespect and therefore I feel no compulsion to hate men, all I want from them is equal treatment.

I once saw a bumper sticker that said "Feminism is the silly notion that women are people too." This is the epitome of my feelings towards feminism. Being a feminist, in my mind, is just a belief that I should be treated as an equal in a world full of inequality. This does not mean that I am going to try and act more masculine in order to get by, however, in this male-centric world. Someone up there (God, or whoever) chose for me to be a woman, and I continuously try to flourish in that capacity.

I believe that I have been given the opportunity to be beautiful inside and out, I have been chosen to bear children (HA! I wanna see you men out there try and accomplish that!!!), I have rhythm (sometimes), I can sing in high octaves without trying to hit falsetto and can speak sweetly to any I deem fit without fear of disapproval, I have the nurturing gene that lets me tend to sick, weary and scared people, I have a soft bosom that will comfort the many children in my life, and I can do all of those things in either pants, shorts, a skirt, or even a dress!

My boyfriend once asked me what kind of feminist wears makeup. My reply to him was, "Being a feminist does not make it necessary to fit into a stereotype. Being a feminist means that I am proud of being a woman. Being a feminist means standing up for your sisters, especially when they are not standing up for themselves. Being a feminist means that if I want to wear makeup, I can. But if I don't want to, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!"