The Rules and Colors of Life

"Greetings, fellow Rules Girls. I am new to this board.
Hope all is well.
Thanks for letting me join in.
Lacy "

Did you know they have their own chat board???? Wanna have some laughable fun check it out at "http://www.thirdage.com/WebX?7@16.uNmIbnSNEDf^2@.ef5a2fb/19".

I know all the girls out there have heard of this book "The Rules:Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right" but most have never read it. I, on the other hand, was blessed with a mother who not so secretly hoped that I would fall in love at 16, get married, have lots of babies, and be adored by my husband (as if 16 year olds with loads of babies ever get off that easy). So on my 14th birthday, along with my first box of Tampons, I got a copy of this highly coveted (are you surprised?) tome.
So... what is it about this book that drove the women to Barnes and Nobel in swarms? I have to say, the book is fantastic (well, almost)! It is about self-empowerment, setting boundaries, and running the show (all the feminists will rage at this I am sure.... but don't fret girls, I'm still one of you). Unfortunately, with all this great self-empowerment talk comes only manipulation (of yourself and those you seek) and essentially marriage. They don't tell you do all of these things because it makes you feel good. They say, do it because a man wants his wife to be that way. Play hard to get (which is not much unlike protecting yourself from all the initial emotional crap, which we all do to an extent) but keep it up, forever, never let your guard down, once you do you will not appear to be a challenge and then the man will no longer want you (which might be true in some cases, but when those arise shouldn't you be THE HELL OUT OF THERE anyway?)
This I think is the part, the eternal quest for marriage (and male acceptance after marriage), that really gets me, it really irks me to the core. It says to me (although maybe I am jaded) "If you are unhappy, if you are poor, and feel like you have no one to turn to, if you have low self esteem, or just need someone to pay attention to you all the time.... FIND A HUSBAND! A man will complete the life that you can't fullfill yourself." Now if that is not the biggest load of bullshit (ooooh, I should really try and think of a more eloquent word to use... nope, bullshit is good) I have ever heard then I will bow and apologize to anyone and everyone who thinks that I should.
What I want to know is, why can't we run to the bookstore for books about being fantastic, beautiful, pround, impressive, individually strong women? Of course some of us do, but why are there soooo many women out there who will never, NEVER know what it's like to be proud of themselves, of their accomplishments (even if it's the ability to accomplish nothing). These are the women who will trail on the curtails of her husband's successes, and then possibly (more than likely) 4 ,10,12,15 or 20 years down the road, wake up to either 1. A cheating, lying, scoundrel of a husband 2. No accomplishment, no true joys, no true self, or Both 1 and 2 (is it starting to sound like I might know what I am talking about?). I think maybe a more important question is, will there ever be a time when women don't need a book to tell them they are spectacular?
I often sit with my friends and disscuss the joys and pains of being women. There are so many things that I have learned and been conditioned to since childhood, so many that I try and realize so that I can break the bad habits before I have my daughter -tangent- is it bad that this is the only lifetime goal that I have? One daughter, possibly named after my mom, who also had only one daughter. Of course I have short term goals... finish school, travel everywhere, help lots of people, love even more people, survive, enjoy life, all of those things.... the only real life changing goal I have though is my one daughter -end tangent- but still everyday, as I struggle to be a part of the sisterhood, I find that I have been terrible at it, and that there are sooooo many girls who don't realize that there is a sisterhood (thanks Melanie for that fabulous word and concept).
Example one... You meet a guy, fall into him (as I tend to do...) and realize he has a girlfriend. What do you do? Do you keep hitting on him, hoping that one day they might break up and he will come after you? Or do you leave him alone because there is a woman on the other side of that relationship, one that as a part of the sisterhood and that you should look out for. So, someone does the first one to me (but was it really about me, or do I just feel like it?) and I get pissed right? But then I start to think about it, and I did the same thing, not realizing the effect that it had on the other woman. So what does this mean? I just contributed to the never ending cycle of girl competition! GIRLS!!!! If we compete with each other where does that leave us? To men (the ones who rule our world...) if we compete we are catty women. If we stand together, if we look out for each other they see us as man hating, heartless feminists. Ok, both are equally annoying right? But which would you rather have, men and women against you? Or men against you and a whole gaggle of girls behind, and beside you.
Example two... You are starting a relationship with a guy and he does something that makes you mad, or annoys you, or hurts your feelings, what do you do? You want to call him out, but you (total generalization, based on me, no one else) feel a pluthora of other emotions that should not be involved. Will he still like me if I tell him he did wrong, will he think I am over reacting, will he just ignore me, will it actually help anything if I say something, or will it just stir the pot? But then after all that pondering and wondering, and worrying, you realize, it's the way I feel and therefore it's valid. Why not bring it up, why not communicate your feelings? Because he won't like you anymore? So what will you do? Just keep ignoring things until you wake up and realize that you have taken so much inside that you are a wreck of troubling emotions, and that the realtionship you are in is just a lie? Hell no girls, stand up for yourselves! Be ready to stay true yourself, a guy worth keeping is one who will understand. Don't feel guily for having emotions and do not let a man make you feel that way (and thanks to the ones who always try to understand!).
Example three... A boss once told me (a man) that I should try and be softer, a little more feminine. Maybe I could wear my hair down and be a little less business like. Well guess what Mister... THIS IS A FREAKING BUSINESS. But that's not what I said in the heat of the conversation. I CRIED, I became the girl he wanted me to be -tangent - how is it that men can always wait until the day you start your emotional monthly girl time to come at you with a bunch of crap that you don't really don't need to hear. Why can't they wait until you are not a weeping pile of mush, so you can remain composure and a least a little scrap of dignity. - end tangent -. You know what he says to this? "I am glad to see your reaction, it lets me know you are being honest". So, I am thinking to myself, the fact that I have work with integrity, professionalism and honesty means nothing to you? The fact that I am crying means that I have a soft "girl" heart. So, I am feeling at that moment confusion and anger beyond all reason. What exactly are we supposed to be, I later questioned my friends about this too? If we are strong, professional women we are heartless and cold, most men think too that we have penis envy (which I do, but for totally different reasons). If we are soft and loveable
we are stupid, incapable, and emotional. So which is it? Which are we supposed to be? I am asking these questions to my fantastic group of girl friends and they all say the same thing "WOW, SEXUAL HARASSMENT" (although I know he wasn't being vindictive as he is of the 50's generation and doesn't know any better. And although this is no excuse I need this job.) and then you just be yourself, be free and fun loving, be professional and be strong in your beliefs.
-Motto- You see, we all need to realize this one thing, life is NOT black and white, there are many different shades, and if you live it right, a TON of color!