I Like, Totally Love You, Dude!

I said this once, on accident to my boyfriend (on accident only because I meant for it to come out a lot more heartfelt and not so slang-gy), and it has just stuck. I love the phrase, and the people who get to hear it from my mouth are very special indeed.

A long time ago (ok, really, it wasn't all that long ago) those three special little words meant nothing to me. I would hear them following hours of beratement or would hear them from people who "needed" something from me and I, fessing up for a little bit of responsibility, I would say them to get what I wanted as well. There were few people who actually got the feelings behind the words. Those who did, still get them today, but like I said, there were few, I could count them on one hand (and they all know who they are). But lately I feel like those few are growing tremendously.

Last night I had an amazing time. I got to hang out with a whole bunch of my friends, and talk until late in the evening. It was a special celebration for three of them, all celebrating birthdays. One of the people celebrating their birthday was a man who I hold very close to my heart. I don't know him that well but when I see him, I feel a little bit happier. He is an older man with this whole... professional, a little bit overweight, Elvis Costello thing going on. And as you can probably predict, I Like, Totally Love Him, Dude.

Ok, so, where does this whole love thing come from? I have already told you that I don't know him that well. He is much, much older than me, and I am sure by the sounds of it, does not exactly fit the description of someone I would hang out with. Well, not a single one of those things matter to me. He is amazing. When I see him he is always happy and funny, he is full of strength, joy and gratitude, he is full of love for everyone he knows and he could sit and talk to you about how great everything is for hours. How could I not be positively affected by a person like this?

So, to continue my story... As I was sitting around chatting with my friends a card was going around for said man. "Happy Birthday" is what it said, but of course everyone is free to write more than that. Without hesitation, I wrote on his card, "insert name here I Like Totally Love You Dude. It has been great getting to know you, you are like the coolest around". Without hestitation... at least until the words were on paper, in pen. Of course my crazy, acceptance-seeking self, doubted my crazy, California slang. Well shit... it was already on paper, not much I could do at that point. I thought about it a bit, wishing I would have written something a little more appropriate, a little more heartfelt (see first paragraph), feeling bad, like he might think I was making a joke instead of being serious. But like I said, it was done, not much more I could do to fix it.

So, fast forward about an hour and a half. My friends are getting up and getting ready to head home, or out to dinner. I am saying my goodbyes, when said man walks up to me, card in his hand and tears in his eyes. "friend" I say to him, "what's wrong, aren't you happy on your birthday?" He looks at me with such love (you see, this man is really, really wonderful) and say "Breeah, coming from you... I am just so stunned." I didn't get it at first, I couldn't figure out why my lame ass comment had him so emotional. But he elaborated... "Coming from you, so young, so hip and beautiful... You, telling me, this old, silly man that he is cool. No other compliment has ever meant so much to me."

I couldn't believe it. I was shocked, dumbstruck, glued to the floor, as he hugged me the hardest anyone ever has. The tears in his eyes were real, what he said to me was real, his feelings were real. All of these things are new to me, reality is not as empty as I thought it might be. Reality means something completely different than it did in the past. Reality to me now means that the things I say are real, more importantly I think, is that the way I make people feel, with the things I say, are real.

This whole experience has made me realize that heartfelt is not a specific phrase, or tone. Heartfelt does not have to be cheesy or sappy. Heartfelt is just that... What you feel in your heart. Some people's heartfelt might be "I love you from the depths of my heart and soul." Others might say "My love runs deeper than the holler(your George Strait fans out there know what I'm talkin' bout)." And some more along the lines of "You are my sun, my moon and my stars (which I am definitely not complaining about!!)." But mine... mine is a little different. From my heart I will tell you...

I Like, Totally Love You, Dude!